Lithuania: what the crap (or not) is this? (Part Two)

So, here it is. Since I've translated it, I added my own comments, where something isn't that true. It's a sarcastic article, so don't forget that.


Geography
Lithuania is a marine country. (actually, it isn't....). Its sea border is twice as long as Belgium's (Not really, it's about 20 km longer.... :DDD). Lithuania's marine fleet is 260 times smaller than Belgium's (see Economics). The capital of Lithuania isn't Riga, as you think, but Vilnius, WHICH IS NOT IN RUSSIA.

People
Lithuanians divide themselves in two categories: "Beetroots" (a kind of plant) and "Elite".
There's also the third category forming - "Brussels sprouts". (About that, it's a bit hard to get, you have to be Lithuanian to understand, actually.:DD)
During the Olympic Games, all the Lithuanians solidly cheer for their national basketball team.

National character
A true Lithuanian would tell every foreigner around about how bad is to live in Lithuania and that Lithuanians are losers and Lithuania is ruled by thieves.
All the Lithuanians who attain 18 require for a nationality written in their passport.
The older Lithuanian is, the more he believes in fairytales (see Language)

Sport
If a Lithuanian isn't a high-class basketball player, well, then, at least he is the expert of this sport. Speaking about basketball for Lithuanians is probably the same as for English people to speak about weather. It's a ritual, pretty close to catholic liturgy. (see Religion).
Artistic flying under the bridges is the second favourite sport in Lithuania. One Lithuanian can fly very good, the others - drink to him.
No Lithuanians can play baseball, but many of them are good at hitting with the baseball stick (or whatever it is :DDD).

Kitchen
In Lithuania, you can get a delicacy that is raaarely met in the rest of Europe - a special pig's subcutaneous fat which is a bit numb from the chimney's smoke. The locals call it "lašiniai" (there isn't even a proper translation from this. At least "spare tyre")
There's a rule in Lithuania - a good kitchen is a rich kitchen.
Lithuanian's don't care about healthy food, so their meals are mostly made out of natural products.
Men are the best cooks in Lithuania. Women are cooking in Lithuania.

Cities and towns
There are several towns and cities in Lithuania, and also Kaunas. (see Kaunas).
Almost all the male citizens can open ground with an ancient plough, pulled by horses and cut the grass with a scythe and almost the females can milk the cow with their hands.

Darius and Girėnas syndrom
Lithuanians are into start every work/job effectively and end it up badly or leave it undone. It's a frequent situation in sports and politics.

Roads
Very good and even absolutely bad. There are some highways in the capital city that lead to nowhere. There are also very good roads, but without a horizontal marking.
But local people are good without that (see Traffic)

National idea
To have a boss (see National character)

Religion
Lithuanians are the last pagans of Europe. Even if now they are saying Lithuania is St. Mary's Land, you can see traces of paganism everywhere. A lot is said when Lithuanians think their national religion is basketball and they are adoring a several idols. An idol is usually dressed with a basketball player outfit. The Great idol of Lithuania is Sabas (Sabonis, google it).

Inheritance
There are three inheritances in Lithuania. First - all the buildings which were not destroyed in regular wars. Second - famous past. Third - infamous past. The last type of inheritance is top secret, thanks to the society. It is often loved by people.

Kaunas
The most Lithuanian city. Its citizens like to listen to Russian pop mostly.

Traffic
It is a matter of honour to not follow any inhibitory or restrictive traffic signs. Traffic police is suspecting the poele who follow all the traffic rulles and are very polite. For those who don't require the receipt get veery big discounts for the penalties - 50 to 90 percent. You must negotiate about the size of discount.  

Architecture
There is a very popular method in Lithuanian architecture - architectural hills. Firstly, city is being, hm, builded by the buildings (captain Obvious strikes again), than, in average of about 50 years is being bombed and from the buildings which weren't bombed became those architectural hills. But since last bombing was about 60 years ago, people started to create artificial hills.

World-wiew
There are two world-wiew systems in Lithuania right now, and actually, their followers don't get along that good. So the systems are: a) to do not litter; b) to do everything to pick up the rubbish. The followers of both the systems are doing very bad.

News media
Lithuanian news media is very "objective"
Every single communicative implement (I mean, newspapers, TV, etc etc etc) are presenting their versions of every event here.

Economics
Lithuanians don't make cars. Lithuanians get the most of money by exporting cars to Russia - a giant in car industry.

Language
Even how surprised you are, Lithuanians speak Lithuanian, not Russian.
Lithuanian language is veeery ancient, so is most suitable for telling stories and/or fairytales.

Countryside
The more Lithuanian goverment is paying no regard at simple ecomomic logics, the better rustics live.

Art
The most popular object of Lithuanian fine arts is so called Cross. He is mostly made from wood and represents worried God. Foreign experts, who examined Cross' face are saying that since the admittion of Christianity Lithuanians have been having digestive troubles.

So. That's the article. Sorry guys if you didn't understand something; I am not so good in English. So feel free to ask, I'll try to explain. c:


Rūga~*